In February, my coauthor Dr. Mary R. Donahue, Ph.D., and I released the sixth edition of On Your Own: A Widow’s Guide to Emotional and Financial Well-Being. Eleven years have passed since our fifth edition and a lot has changed in the world, which we thought should be reflected in this update. As many of you know, my husband died in March 2023 which gave me a different perspective. Instead of just advising widows, now I was one.
When we wrote the first edition, my motive in writing it was to have something I could give my clients who were recent widows. It was obvious to me that although they were trying to take in information, I didn’t have their full attention because they were dealing with their grief while trying to sort out their financial situation, I thought the process would be easier for them if I could give them a basic book that they could follow to one step at a time. Mary (who has been a widow for many years), and I believe there is an integral connection between financial and emotional recovery. To make the book more relevant we wove the stories of four widows ranging in age from 42 to 75 into each chapter. However, our underlying theme in the book is: if you can get your financial house in order before you have a crisis event—which could be divorce as well as widowhood—then you only have to deal with the emotional impact rather than the emotional and financial impact at the same time.
In fact, recently I talked with two women whose husbands are still alive and handled all the finances but are no longer able to due to health issues. These women paid the household bills and are perfectly able to take charge but are scrambling to find out what the assets are and where they are located. At the same time, these two highly intelligent men are reluctant to let go, which makes it more complicated. We hope that AFM clients aren’t in this situation, but perhaps you have friends who are. And for them, it is best to take it one step at a time.
Why to prioritize estate planning
The first step is for them to meet with an experienced estate planning lawyer who makes sure that they have all the appropriate legal documents they need. If they have trusts, make sure that all the assets are titled in the correct names. The next step is to review the most recent tax return with their accountant which will help them understand what they own and the various sources of income they have. Finally, they should confer with their financial planner who can review their budget, investments, and insurance with them.
Next step: a list takes shape
Based on all the information they gather; they should put together one document which I call “All the information you need to know If we drop dead tomorrow,” which they would give to their personal representative (executor) and anyone else they think should have it.
Personal information
- List their names, addresses, Social Security number, and place of birth
- List of their children, grandchildren, and contact information
- Military Record if relevant
- Contact information (name, address, phone number, email address) of their physicians, estate attorney, accountant, and financial planner
Financial information
- List their bank accounts with account numbers and passwords as well as debit card numbers
- Legal Documents, and where they are located
- Insurance company, life insurance policies, and agent information
- Long term care insurance carrier, current benefit, name of agent, and how the premium is paid (by check or automatically)
- Carrier of property, flood, auto and valuables insurance, and the agent
- Where investments are held, how they are registered (joint, single, trust name), and account numbers
- Retirement accounts: Where they are held and who are the beneficiaries
- Charitable accounts: Examples include, Donor Advised Funds and Charitable Remainder Trusts
- Real estate investments with mortgage(s) if applicable
- 529 plans where they are the owner and who is designated as the successor
- Past Income tax records and where they are located
What’s in your wallet
- Driver’s license number and expiration date
- Credit card number and how bills are paid (automatically or by check)
- Car License number (registration)and description
- Medicare number
- Medicare Supplement policy
- Prescription coverage
Key account numbers
- Club memberships and account numbers
- Airline account numbers
- Passport number and expiration dates
- Global Entry/Known Traveler Numbers
- Passwords for each computer as well as various accounts
End-of-life wishes
- Burial instructions: If funerals have been prepared, list where the contract is
- If they have thoughts about their memorial service, those thoughts should be recorded in a document
- Obituaries if they have been written (because who would be better informed!?)
I realize this list might be overwhelming but if you are widowed, you will be happy you have all this information gathered in one place. Then you can focus on your grieving process.